Ghosting of the Self

 

 Anxiety, Shadows, and the Ghosting of the Self
By Dr. SueSue

Anxiety is more than just a fleeting moment of worry or fear. It manifests in our bodies, through racing hearts, shallow breaths, and trembling hands, and in our minds, as a relentless storm of doubt and fear. For many, these sensations are not simply uncomfortable; they are overpowering. And so, we retreat.

We step back from opportunity. We silence our voices in rooms where they most need to be heard. We hide, not always in physical spaces, but in psychological ones. We remain in the metaphorical shadows, where discomfort feels manageable, where challenge seems avoidable, and where the pressure to perform or be seen is temporarily eased.

But in doing so, we often begin to ghost our authentic selves. We disconnect from who we are at our core—our ideas, our creativity, our courage. Anxiety becomes the filter through which we operate, subtly shaping decisions, relationships, and identity. We avoid conflict, risk, and growth, telling ourselves we are being careful or realistic, when in truth, we are responding to the invisible weight of internalized fear.

What makes this even more concerning is that this state of mind is not static, it feeds itself. Avoidance can offer short-term relief, but it also reinforces the belief that we are not capable of coping. Every missed opportunity, every withdrawn effort, becomes confirmation of our fears. Over time, this pattern deepens into a cycle: fear leads to avoidance, avoidance leads to stagnation, and stagnation confirms the fear.

This cycle is not benign. It gradually chips away at our confidence, our motivation, and our sense of agency. What begins as a moment of self-protection can evolve into a persistent barrier that limits our ability to function, to connect, and to grow. Anxiety, when left unchecked, can consume not only moments, but capacities. It can paralyze our creativity, cloud our judgment, and strip us of the belief that we have something valuable to offer.

The danger is not merely in experiencing anxiety, that is a deeply human condition. but in allowing it to define the edges of our existence.

To reclaim ourselves from the shadows, we must begin by naming what we feel. Not to judge it, but to understand it. And then, slowly, courageously, we must begin to show up—not as a perfected version of ourselves, but as the whole, complex, and vulnerable beings we are.

Healing does not mean erasing anxiety. It means learning to live alongside it without letting it dim our light. When we face the heat of discomfort, we don’t burn, we build resilience. And when we choose to emerge from the shadows, even briefly, we give our true selves the permission to be seen, heard, and valued.

If you wish to quote me, please feel free:

In avoiding discomfort or challenge, one may suppress their authentic self, allowing fear to govern identity and action." Dr. Soraya Fallah

"When you're afraid of anxiety’s heat and heartbeat, you stay in the shadows.

When you avoid challenge, you hide beneath them. And when anxiety storms your mind, you begin ghosting your true self."  Dr. Soraya Fallah